Moving On

I've moved over to Wordpress.com.  Don't ask.  I haven't finished the blogroll yet - I read way too many blogs.

When I finally decide upon and sort out the domain/hosting issues, I'll redirect, but for now I've moved here.

ROW80 Round Two Sign Up

Round two of ROW80 begins on April 4th, so don't forget to sign up!  Read the goals of the participants here.

I have to list my goals and I'm trying to learn my lessons from last time.  I'll set some goals for the whole round and then choose specific goals for April.  I'm sure I'll change my goals along the way but there are certain things I'd like to aim for.  I'm currently editing Taunt so any goals for April will begin on April 4th.  School holidays will start soon after round two ends so I'm going to try and pack in as much as possible into this round before I have to go live outside for a few months.  :)

Round Two - Main Goals:

• Write (and finish) first draft of Tempt
• Work on untitled WIP
• Edit Soul
• Edit Taunt
• Outline a project
• Complete a short story

Round Two - April Goals:

• Aim for 10,000 words a week
• Work on first draft of Tempt
• Edit Soul - a full read through taking notes, then one chapter a day
• Complete a short story

The first round went well for me; I really enjoyed it, I loved seeing what everyone else was getting up to.  We all have different goals but still have so much in common and it was a really positive experience. This time I'm upping the word count goal because I can do more with the free time I have and I'm hoping I can learn to edit without letting everything else grind to a halt just because editing sucks the life out of me.  :) 

Looking forward to round two, hope to see everyone again as well as some new faces.  :)

The Good, The Bad, and The Pukeworthy

Firstly, sorry to the ROW80ers I haven't visited yet.  I'm moving - slowly - forward.  A plague descended upon my house again; the day after ROW80 ended, I found myself drowning in kid vomit - gave myself the most awful mental image there, that wouldn't be a good way to go.  (BTW, the sickness began after one of the twins locked the entire family into a bedroom - scariest fifteen minutes of my life).  I'm not used to kid vomit, despite having five kids.  Sex education should involve cleaning up kid puke, just saying. 

I've missed lots of news online, apparently.  Much writerly drama about trad and indie and people crossing over and everyone having an opinion and *snore*, sorry.  Then much amusement and cringing and eye-rolling over an indie flipping the lid over a bad review on a blog I subscribe to - except the review itself wasn't even that bad.  It's like the blogging version of the American Idol/X-Factor tryouts up in here sometimes. 

However, as much as I detest writers complaining about reviews (it's like picking a scab, leave it alone people), I felt bad by the end because there are lots of relatively more successful writers who have acted much the same (and worse) on their Amazon reviews yet managed to get away with it without a score of one star reviews popping up.  I keep rewriting and deleting what I was about to say next so I'll leave it there, I think.

After reading a lot of nastiness, I got to the blog of Sean Sweeney/John Fitch V.  He's trying to make a sales goal of 350 copies this month and needs 19 more sales to reach that.  After all of the negative dramaz, the air needs some good karma so if anyone would like to help a writer out, his books are priced from 99c.

End of Round One Check-In

Last day of ROW80's first round.  Well done to everyone who took part and I hope we all meet again in Round Two.  Say congrats and farewell to all here.



Today is my 28th birthday so it's nice to end the writing challenge in time for a minor celebration.  In the last 80 days I've edited (and rewritten the second half of) Verity, rewritten Taunt and finished the first draft of STS.  I've outlined Tempt and finished a couple of short stories and a novellette.  I've stuck to my weekly word count for the most part and tried to form a writing schedule and plan I can stick to.  I'm happy with the progress but I feel like I didn't push myself.  One of my aims for the next round will be to stretch my limits a bit more.

I'm not sure what my exact goals for the next round will be - I have five novels calling out for edits, I need to get to the first draft of Tempt before I finish editing Taunt and there are five stories waiting to be written that have been shouting a lot louder this year.  Well, they have been waiting for quite a while.  Ideal goal would be to work on a first draft and an edit simultaneously as well as preparing outlines for the stories that can't wait much longer but I keep forgetting about that other important five - my children.  All of the fives feel like a good sign.  ;)

When I was born, Bonnie Tyler was already topping the charts in Ireland and MJ's Billie Jean was number 1 in the US.  Billie Jean is one of my son's favourite songs now - strange!

Mrs. Van Winkle

I'm not sure if I've met my goals this week, probably not.  Visit the others here.


Last weekend, I started feeling sick and I ended up sleeping for most of the week.  For example, on Wednesday I slept for 20 hours so I just gave up on the ROW80 thing (and the everything else thing) for this week.  Still sick but feeling better than before so I'll try to put in more of an effort visiting and commenting.  After I've had a nap.  :)

I did get some reading done, and read a book I really enjoyed - One Insular Tahiti by Thea Atkinson.  Really impressed me.  I'd been saving it for when I had some time because I had a feeling I'd like it.  The first couple of chapters didn't grab me at all but I kept reading and found myself unable to put the thing down so, yeah, win.  I'm definitely going to read the rest of Thea's books and I'll just say how annoying it is when this good of a writer isn't selling books by the bucketload.  The product description can't do it justice, it's beautifully written and the characters are really well done.    *Impressed face*

Brief Check-In

Check-in:  Hit my word count goal on STS.  Support the rest of the gang here.

Writing daily and hitting word count goals.  Thinking about my goals for next round and how I'm going to edit and work on first drafts at the same time.  Managing time will be important.

Finally a Kindle owner - anyone know if it's worth getting some early reader books for the Kindle?

For Love of Enid

Check-in:  Word count goal met while working on STS.  Soak up the sanity here.



March is my giddy month so I'm trying not to post the blog equivalent of hysterical giggling.  Been working on STS, minding my own business when all of a sudden the MC unleashed a crapton of backstory - now I see why she's been making so many dodgy choices.  Have I mentioned how much I love writing?

I haven't been nabbing as much writing time as usual.  Mostly because bedtime is taking up all of the freaking night.  Right now, I can hear two kids having a show-down upstairs and the twins in the next room doing their best Charlie Bit Me impersonations.  I'm hiding in the dark so they won't see me laughing.  It's my fault for having five kids - babies are so easy, they just eat and sleep and poo and look cute all day long.  Then they start walking and all hell breaks loose.  If I decided to write Mammy Fiction, I'd have decades of material.  :)

I was reading up about Enid Blyton earlier.  She was (despite motherhood) scarily prolific and popular and yet panned by critics as being a mediocre writer.  Her books are still being sold - not bad for a mediocre writer.

When I was a kid, I devoured her books - she made me think I could be a writer.  Roald Dahl taught me that writing could be dark and fun.  I know there's a lot of old-fashioned terms and ideals that people like to censor but I definitely didn't grow up racist or thinking that men should rule the world.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  Although I'm very firm on the cheating is awfully bad stance.  :D

Blyton's books were quite preachy though (which is kind of amusing considering her personal life), and I'm not sure why I loved them so much - maybe the lack of adults was the draw.  Maybe it was the fact I kept waiting for George to smack Julian.  Maybe it was the homeless circus boys who owned friendly monkeys, the circus girls who could ride wild horses or the ordinary girl taken in by the circus who could tame anything.  (I soooo wanted to join the circus).  Let's not get started on the tuckboxes and the snobby posh girl at boarding school.  And the Faraway Tree?  Beat that if you can.  That kind of book is absolutely one of the first stories that drew me to writing.  Think of anything, create it, and there's a ready-made world for you to jump into.  Anything can happen because you make it so.

Dirty Little Hoarder

I have a tendency to horde the shinies.  There's a reason my OH bought me an ereader back when I was still a paper-snob, we had just moved house and he didn't want to go through the trauma of moving all of those books ever again.  I'm inclined to hoard other things as well, eyeliner, nail varnish, shoes, handbags, tarot cards, things that tend to be harmed by destructive toddlers, of which I have a few.  :) 

I thought ebooks might sort out my hoarding inclinations but so far, they've just encouraged me.  They take up no physical space, are cheap, easy to access, convenient in every way and I don't even feel like I'm accumulating them.  I'm scared to count how many I have but today I realised I might have gone too far. 

There's a book I've wanted for about a year, it sounds like it was written for me and it's always top of the list come book splurging time, but I've been skipping it because it's too expensive for a writer I haven't tried before.  Anyway, book went on sale, I scurried off to buy it . . . only to be told I already own it.   I checked out the non-Kindle ebooks I have and I've doubled up a good few times.  Seriously, Claire.

That's it now.  No more hoarding.  No more buying until I start getting through the books I already own.  I need to start keeping a spreadsheet of the books I buy. It's only taken a year but I think the one-click novelty might actually be wearing off.  Now I just have to start reading.  :)

I haven't been posting about books I've read because, well, I haven't been reading much. Recently I enjoyed Have Gun, Will Play and Life from Scratch and I think around Christmas or New Year I quite liked Vestal Virgin and Devil's Eye.  Most played song lately is from *surprise, surprise* Adele.

Happy Read an Ebook Week

Check-in:  Worked on outlines for Tempt and STS.  Added to a short story.  Visit the rest of the crew here.



When I say outline, I basically mean I've written what amounts to a synopsis.  Sometimes I'll get an idea and expand upon it but usually, my outlines are pretty high-level and detail-sparse.  I have a rough outline for both Tempt and STS (aka the fae novel, couldn't keep calling it that :/) but that's the easy part and both are very bare.

I think I've settled into a POV in STS now.  I read the part I wrote last April and it was really bad.  Awful.  Embarrassing.  I would have ditched the whole idea except I then found the stuff I wrote last October and it was much better, plus I really like the voice.  I don't remember writing it, I don't remember where I was going with it but I like it so I'll let it stay.  There's a reason why I haven't finished that particular story (aside from snowflaking it until it bored me to tears) but I'll save that for another post.

I'm very excited about Tempt (Ava Delaney #3).  I already knew the major plotline for this one while I was still writing the first book, but the end of Taunt (#2) led me to an even bigger one.  I have a feeling the ending will differ greatly from the outline - I can't wait!  As a sequel to Thirst (#1), Taunt was unexpected and a good chunk of it runs very differently to Thirst but Tempt kind of goes back to where Thirst was headed.  Originally, it was supposed to be a trilogy, (Thirst, Tempt and Taste) but when I first tried to write Tempt, I realised it wasn't the next part of the story.  I'll be taking a step back when this one is done, to figure out the exact order of the other books, there's at least three more.  'Tis all very confusing.  :D

Last night we celebrated my indieversary.  LOL.  I felt like it was a big enough deal to warrant a min-celebration.  And now it's time for Read an Ebook Week.  Go.  Run.  There's a lot of freebies and good deals on ebooks for a week so go find them!  I'm participating on Smashwords and so are many others.

One Year Indieversary

A year ago today, I plucked up the courage to press publish on Kindle - it didn't take long for Little Girl to go live.  My first-born.  New parent jitters.  It was an experiment, I really didn't think anything would come of it, but I wanted to try it anyway - I like to learn and I like staying off the main road.  People said indies won't sell.  Horror won't sell.  Short stories won't sell.  Flash fiction definitely won't sell, particularly the dark stuff.  I kept hearing things like only hiring a good editor and cover designer will convince people to take you seriously.  *Dun-dun-DUN*

I uploaded a piss poor cover.  There's been four or five covers for that poor little book so far.  This one has stuck.  I had a terrible description, awful promotional skills and an entire lack of media awareness or writerly friends.  I didn't even tell my family I was writing again - they know now but they aren't going to read my work, never mind give me a dodgy review.  ;)  I chose a pen name and for months sweated in case anyone knew it was me.  *Insert eye roll here* 

I sold something like five copies of the book in the first month.  Got into the forum thing, wasn't comfortable with the extreme spamming/bitchiness/negativity, was and still am quite vocal about it, moved on to other places.  Discovered that there are people who are on the side of indies, despite the bad reputation, and got over how bummed I was about the bad atmospheres.  *Takes things to heart*

Took a good few months before I started to get daily sales - thanks to my first reviews.  Decided marketing wasn't a good path for me.  Gave up on the book completely - I actually said those words to my OH.  Tried to fit in online.  Didn't.  Focused on a novel.  Still haven't finished said novel and probably never will.  *Cannot edit to save her life* 

Little Girl got lots of angry reviews.  I took advice from some people way smarter than me, copped on, changed the cover to the present one and came up with something resembling an actual product description.  Learned to dread review numbers increasing but also realised the bad reviews were probably encouraging sales.  Got down about the way people act online sometimes.  Remembered life's too short for that.  Stepped away from forums/facebook/twitter.  *Iz dramatic*

Remembered that the whole point of the indie thing was to forge my own path.  Palm-slapped myself.  Figured out my own plan, the one that had been shouting at me while I was listening to everyone else's plans.  Knuckled down.  Joined ROW80.  Was shocked by the positivity.  Was inspired too.  Heard from some other writers and readers who either said or did things that reassurred me not everyone in the world is a dick.  Again.  Got over myself.  Again.  Wrote my ass off.  Not again.  Realised it's March.  Counted a year's sales.  More than I expected.  More than half in the last two months.  *Is shocked*

Lesson:  Maybe there is no lesson.  I did nothing in the end.  I don't come close to the good 'uns in skill, talent, personality or sales.  And any good that came to me came because of the actions of others, not me so basically the point is I'm not a good example of anything?  Erm.  :D  A year on, I still don't have a novel out, I'm still working alone while the world sleeps and I still have no idea what I'm doing.  Actually, that's not really true.  I know the plan, it just doesn't make sense to anyone else.  ;)

I'm going to keep doing nothing - aside from being myself, writing and trying to become the best writer I can be.  I've learned a lot, about the business, the craft, other people, myself.  I might be a little braver, hopefully I'll work a little harder with a lot less ego, and for now I'll just pat my wee book on the back and say, that'll do book, that'll do.

Nowt On Da Telly

You know when I'm blogging about pointless things that I'm not working.  :)  I'm sick this week so am working the bare minimum and catching up on mindless entertainment.  I don't regularly watch much television; if I like something, I'll watch it online whenever I have time and overdose on an entire season's worth.  I like reality shows that revolve around singing, dancing, cooking, weight-loss, all kinds of crap like that.  They're pretty much never-ending which is great for me because I hate anything to end. 

I still mourn the loss of Buffy and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to handle the end of Supernatural and Big Love.  What the hell am I going to watch next?

By the way, how toe-curlingly delicious was the meta episode of Supernatural?  Loved it.  It was hilarious; for me, it's up there with the silent, musical, and alternate reality episodes of Buffy. I'm so glad Supernatural didn't end last season, purely for the meta episode. 

Big Love has gone a bit apeshit over the last two seasons or so but I will definitely miss it.  It's such a cracking concept, I can't imagine anything replacing it.  It's fascinated me from the very first episode.  It wasn't on telly over here at the time, my OH randomly bought me the season 1 box-set and I watched the next two seasons online that week.  *Is obsessive*

That's the problem though, great series never get replaced by something better. 

Nothing replaced Buffy for me.  Buffy kicked off 14 years ago (um, wow) and there has never been another program that has come close it.  I did everything I could to see every new episode of Buffy every single week - even through the boring Riley bits.  I was a teenager, I grew up on Buffy, but I didn't have control of the remote, put it that way.  When I was 16, I wasn't even living at home so it was pretty hard to get that station on the screen at the right time.  I'm laughing now, but it was sooooo important to me then, there was a weird kind of desperation to make it in front of that screen at 8pm on a Thursday (for some seasons), to get my sweaty little hands on that remote control before my mother and her boyfriend could.  And that's not even getting into the reruns.

I even watched Angel, just in case the Buffy characters showed up.  Which they did on occasion, which made me squeeful.  I quite liked Angel until the Connor/Cordy stuff, although I enjoyed the Doyle episodes the best.

I'm pretty loyal when I like something though; I stuck with Heroes til the incredibly shitty end.  I'm still astonished by how it went from something fun and exciting to dull and ridiculous.  Every episode I would watch and wait for it to get good again.

I watched Buffy, Charmed, anything even vaguely paranormal but they all ended.  Supernatural seemed like the meth option and I ended up loving it too.  I feel like there's never going to be anything I'll love again - suggestions please?  It's the same with books.  Jane Eyre's been my absolute favourite by a few miles for so long that I can't imagine ever loving anything else as much.  That's kind of dreary really, feeling like you'll never find anything better.  I watched Buffy, and read Jane Eyre, in my teens, maybe it's just being an adult that limits an obsessive love for something?  :D

By the way, it's my indieversary tomorrow so expect another boringly bloated blog posting from moi.  ;)

March Madness & A Haunted Ebook

Check-in - word count met, rewrite of Taunt completed.  Give some lovin' to the other participants here.  (Check out the end of this post for contest info).


New month, new goals.  In February, I finished the rewrite of Taunt, wrote the first draft of a novellette, finished a short story - and met my daily writing goals in the second half of the month. 

In March, my goals are:

• 500 words a day, Monday to Friday (at least)
• 5,000 words a week (at least)
• Plot Tempt
• Work on fae novel
• Finish a short story

I would like to write the first draft of Tempt before I start editing Taunt in April (hopefully) because I like having the next sequel written before I work on edited the previous one, but I don't know if I'll manage it.  I'll probably work a little on the fae novel and Tempt, if I can. 

It's only three weeks so I don't expect to finish anything apart from the short story and the plot.  The fae novel could require a re-plot, it depends on what happens when I read through the notes and partial draft.  My biggest problem with this one is that I haven't figured out POV yet.  I kept switching between first and third and then thought about having two or even three POVs.  Make a decision, already!

The short story goals are there purely  to give me a regular(ish) achievement.  I struggle so much to perfect a novel that I need the shorter stuff just to feel like I've finished something and am not a complete failure.  I'm trying a lot of new things this year, trying to face up to fear and embarrassment a bit, and to get rid of that special voice in my head that stupidly tries to tell me that I can't possibly force myself to write short stories unless I get inspired by something, like, deep and shit.

The whole family have been struck down with a cold this week - even my never-gets-sick OH is all manfluey.  My older daughter decided to get up out of bed and cut her hair because she wanted boy hair.  She didn't get very far with the safety scissors but it still needs fixin'.  The baby headbutted me yesterday and gave me a lovely trout-pout.  The dogs ripped apart the bins, leaving a great mess on the floor for us to wake up to.  The twins have figured out how to open the front door and run outside in the five seconds it takes for one of us to leggit out after them.  Teamwork, baby.  One. Of. Those. Weeks.

I'm doing this half-asleep`(what's new?) so sorry if I get the info wrong but JL Bryan, author of Jenny Pox and the Haunted Ebook, is on a blog tour (check it out, lots of prizes) and will be giving away free copies of his ebook over at Not-Really-Southern Vamp Chick.  If you tweet about the giveaway and leave a comment with your twitter handle on the blog, you'll be in with a chance to win a copy.  If the book makes it to the top ten in Horror on Amazon, he'll be giving away a Kindle DX on his blog tour.

Bye-Bye Greens

Check-in:  Less than 4 weeks to go!  Haven't kept track of word count this time but I've definitely hit my target.  Send some force to the other participants here.


Since last check-in, I've started a short story and gone through Taunt.  I'll admit I've been putting it off out of sheer terror.  I knew the last third in particular was extremely sloppy - which is why it required a rewrite.  I read through it this week, making notes and creating chapter summaries, figuring out what later info was missing from the first half and vice versa.  I completely forgot a huge chunk of the story so it was like reading something someone else had written - always fun!  It's been a lot less painful than I expected although the pacing is a bit off-balance.  I went back to the rewrite, it's going well and should be finished before the next check-in.  I'm aiming for it to be done and dusted tomorrow but now I've said that, I'm going to attract distractions.

I'm a little distracted this weekend anyway because the tallying of the votes are going on.  Not over yet but nearly there.  The Green Party have been wiped out.  Fianna Fáil aren't doing much better than Sinn Féin - that must be killing them.  The least popular government in our history is gone, leaving behind such a mess that I pity anyone taking over.  Looks like Fine Gael will have to invite someone into bed with them.  I keep remembering how, when I was growing up, everyone laughed at Enda Kenny and said he'd never make Taoiseach and yet here he is, on the brink.  This government will likely be harsher on families so I better hurry up and write that bestseller already.  ;)

Check-In Time

Check-in:  I've written 8k since the last check-in post.  Have a goo at the rest of the ROW80ers here.

And while you're at it, check out the cover love my novella sucked up on All of Everything.  I saw this and was happy, the end.

I've written 5k on one WIP - a short one that is now completed - and 3k on another.  Yesterday, I realised I've been writing every day.  Getting back into the habit of writing regularly was the biggest part of this for me so I'm very happy that I'm getting past my biggest obstacle - laziness.  :D  The words came really easy this week, it's like someone whispered the story in my ear, I wrote waaaay faster than usual.  I don't expect it to keep up, especially because we might have a house guest this week.  On the other hand, I haven't been spending as much time online - it's like I don't know what to do online all of a sudden.  Not really a bad thing, I suppose.
On the home front, I'm the worst mother in the world this week - the baby had an ear infection and I didn't even realise until I saw gunk coming out of her ear.  I thought she was teething, poor little bubba.  Five kids before we get an ear infection and I don't even notice - I'm supposed to be the eagle eye worrywart around here. 

My other lady went to the hospital to get her bandage changed and had her first physio session.  Physio went really well, although it was only for her hands.  The skin is a little tight but should be okay as long we do the exercises with her every day.  They cancelled the appointment with the occupational therapist because her stomach hasn't had a chance to heal enough to scar and her hands are fine. 

Her stomach - she was really upset getting her bandage changed and they were close to admitting her again but in the end they sent her home.  It's healing away and we're back in next week for another bandage change but no more physio for a while.  She was upset this morning because her big brother was off to school, I think she's bored without him because the twins are more of the rough and sweet sneaking but less of the fun big kid game playing.  Going to have to break out the arts and crafts a bit more this week.  Yeah, glitter.  Woo.  Hoo.

This week, my family is mourning the loss of our favourite act on Got to Dance.  We love dancing shows, so what?  :D  I feel really bad for these lads because they were separate acts that got forced into being a duo because the judges couldn't choose between them - they have different styles, it must have been hard for them. *Gets attached to people she's seen on the telly for two minutes way too easily*  Dude in the Red was amazingly shit-hot in his solo audition.  Dude in the Blue was great too but DitR got more of an OMFG, how is he doing that kind of reaction.

Best Day Everrrrr

Check-in:  I've written 6k since the last check-in.  Visit the other participants here. 


Since Wednesday, I've written 3k on one WIP and 3k on another.  Half of that was this morning so I feel like I could have worked a lot harder, but sleep took priority over writing this week.  :)  I wrote a ginormous blog post and deleted it, the gist being how tired I was of working in the same genre for the last few months.  I'm going to try and divide my time and allow myself to work on other things when I get bored.  Problem solved.

By the way, my new 4yr old had the best birthday ever on Friday (judging by the amount of snuggles, I love yous and thanks I got) and I still have star shaped marks all over my skin from where I was decorated with a million tiny stickers that I somehow didn't notice my children sticking to me on Saturday.  Please let them stay fun when they're in their teens - I'll have five teenagers at the same time someday so wish me luck.

Insania

Can't sleep.  I've spent a fair chunk of my life not being able to sleep.  The only cure is writing but I haven't been able to do much of that tonight.  My best writing comes during those bouts of insomnia - and also when I'm drunk but we don't need to dwell on that one - but, alas, not tonight.  I needed a firmer hold on the novelette so printed it out and attacked it with a red pen.  I kind of enjoyed it (shush, don't tell anyone).  I only made it through seven pages (but they are absolutely covered in tiny red scrawl) because the baby was unwell and decided she wanted to sleep straight up, in my arms.  Instead of working, I read and now she's settled, it's roughly half six in the morning and the birthday girl will be up in about an hour so not much point even trying to sleep.

I already know I'm going to have serious trouble trying to figure out all of the red scrawl - not to mention the great sprawling arrows flying all over the page.  I learned to write tiny when I was a kid for two reasons.  One, because there was never an abundance of paper (except for that time my mother worked for a paper factory, that rocked) and two, so nobody could read it.  In school, I wrote tinchy in the hopes the teacher wouldn't be able to understand it and toss it aside without reading it.  If they asked me to read stories out loud, I would speak really fast and really low so nobody could hear me.  If you've heard me speaking, you'll know I speak fast anyway so picture turbo speed reading.  That would be my super power.  Sadly.

Back when I started blogging - not this one - I used to panic whenever I received a comment.  My heart would race at the idea someone actually read what I had written.  Or worse - disagreed.  *Gasps of horror* Whenever someone online would say, oh I read your last blog post, I would probably break out into a cold sweat before I read til the end of their sentence.  If I posted something, um, controversial, I wouldn't check my email the next morning - delaying the onslaught of virtual torches and pitchforks for as long as possible.

Funny thing.  Nobody ever disagreed with me.  Nobody ever argued a point.  Nobody ever said anything that wasn't supportive or funny or super-awesomely-cool.  The fear was for nothing.  The temptation to unpublish was for nothing.  I don't know how I scraped through unscathed, by the way, I was particularly vocal on some big issues but despite the huge amount of traffic certain "opinions" got me, nobody told me to feck off.  Despite me cringing at the lack of coherency of my blog, people still came back for me.  Not everyone, but that was okay.  Some blogs just aren't for everyone.

The same weird fears are still there, partly regarding this blog but mostly about writing and publishing.  That notion of who do I think I am, they're all looking at me, pointing and staring, ready to eat me alive still lingers.  Probably always will.  We really put ourselves out there and provide the whips to lash us with, in all honesty.  Brave wee things, really.  Either brash or cringing, we're all waiting for the feedback, the words that let us know how we're doing and if others approve. 

Before I pressed publish on dtp (or kdp or whatever the hell it is now) I nearly threw up.  And why?  First, it was in case someone actually bought it.  Yeah, I know.  I know - and hello, welcome to my life.  Next was the whole what if they don't like it?  I might die, oh, no, wait, actually, I won't.  Sometimes I get paranoid and loseresque and think what if they talk about it behind my back and . . . and laffs at mes.  But, wait, do I really, honestly, care about the opinion of people who act that way?  Um, no, stopped caring about a decade or so ago.  So what am I worried about again?  About what might happen? 

Sooooo, what if the might happens and what ifs turn out to be . . . kinda good?  Nice, even?  I'd be missing out over a little thing like fear.  Huh.  And what if somebody didn't like it, or somebody laughed at me?  Would I really be afraid to try things forever, just in case?  Would I really try to spite myself because I gave some random, hypothetical person power over me? 

It's 7am now so I'll leave it at that.  This is what Claire's brain sounds like when she can't sleep.  Not pretty, is it?  Have a good weekend people.  I'm off to celebrate the fact I have a 4 year old again - 4s rock.

Ereader-less

My ereader is broken.  *Cries*

It broke in the hospital and we still haven't been able to get it working so I'm now trying to accept the loss.  Too many birthdays over the next few months to even think about replacing it.  Editing is going to suck.

I've been trying to read a paperback since the weekend.  No.  Just no.  I would rather read on my laptop than hold an actual book.  It hurts my wrists - anyone else panic when they feel pain in their wrists?  It's kind of worrying when holding a book hurts - doesn't bode well for writing.  Note to self: make OH gain some transcription skills.

Excuse me while I go listen to the song, Bitch, Cry and Moan.

Rolling

Condensed version:  The novellette draft is up to 11k right now.  Up roughly 9k since the last check-in post so technically my word count goal is achieved this week.  Visit the other participants who are linked here.

Long, rambling version:  I've written 11k since Saturday.  The basic storyline is done, I'm in the process of padding it out with (hopefully real) facts and character development.  I like to work that way on shorter stories.  I've spent way too much time staring at detailed maps of Ireland and figuring out what route the characters will take.  More fun than it sounds.  Stuff like that never makes it into my stories but I like to know which direction people are going in and how long it will take. 

The end story should hit around 20k.  First draft might be finished this week.  I'll probably drop it and get back onto Taunt before the week is out because I want the draft of Taunt to be finished this month.  I can dream.  :)

Family schtuff.  This week, my big girl turns four (and my little girl, seven months).  Her burns aren't healing well as expected and it will be next week before a final decision is made on the skin graft - plus her physiotherapy starts next week too.  This month is looking busy - we have to enrol the big girl in primary school (hello, long arse queues in the birth cert office) and the twins in playschool to secure their places, the baby is due a hearing/development test, we have to go through the (too freaking slow and red-taped) speech therapy assessment crap with our eldest again and all of the animals are overdue on their boosters.  The joys of large familes.  :D

The UnRomantic Writer

Valentine's Day.  Never a card exchanged in my house.  I hate cards and dying flowers, and unless a box of chocolates has the name Ferrero Rocher on the cover, it's going to have yucky leftovers like Turkish Delight and Strawberry Fondants once I'm through with them.  These things are wasted on me.  I'm not romantic, or sweet, or lovey-dovey.  At all.  Which is why it's strange that on the eve of Valentine's Day, I wrote over 4k on a new story that has a strong element of romance.  Strong.  There may even be *gasp* an intimate scene or two.

There are times when my OH asks what I'm working on, I tell him, and his reaction is um, are you sure you want to be writing that?

Thirst, a book in which the word blood is mentioned a lot.  A word that frequently makes me go weak at the knees.  Yep, just hearing the word has been known to make me pass out.  I'm phobic, what can I say?  I carried on with it anyway because if I didn't, the idea itself would have suffocated me.  For the record, I didn't pass out once while writing Thirst - although I sometimes had trouble reading certain scenes during the editing stages.  :P

Short stories because they often provoke. . . strong reactions. My OH enjoys the likes of Saw (sorry, too sick for me and even newspaper headlines make me cry on a regular basis) but when I persuaded him to read some of my flash fiction a year ago, he was . . . traumatised.  Just for a while but still - wuss.  He, rightly so, tried to warn me that some people might get upset but I went ahead with it anyway - gut reaction to being told something might not be a great idea.

And finally, romance.  Anything that revolves around love or romance or romantic cheesiness of any sort.  This is met with sentences like - But, Claire, have you ever even read a romance?  So I'm not romantic. Love poems/songs make me snigger.  I would laugh in my OH's face if he got down on one knee for anything, ever.  However, just because I'm not romantic doesn't mean my characters don't want a little loving every now and then. 

I'll be pushing on with all of the stories I haven't published yet because I'm uncomfortable with the romantic scenes.  I have a lot of unfinished business on my hard drive.  It only really clicked with me today something they all have in common - I cringe when reading the scenes that involve attraction/romance/love.  Sad for me, I can't judge that sort of thing so it reads as cheesy no matter what I do.  That's if I even manage to write those scenes, most of the time I bottle it and change the storyline to suit the complete lack of romanticism in my nature. 

I see lots of romance novel reading in my future.  And daring myself to go for it with the romantic aspects in my own writing.  The only way to get over it is to get on with it, right? 

Mammy Hat

Check-in time - support the other participants here.  To summarise, roughly 2k of a draft written, just not the right WIP.

It's been hard to take off the mammy hat lately.  My OH keeps going, why aren't you writing?  I don't know why, but when something major (to me) happens, I don't want to do anything.  Ever again.  The longer I let it go on for, the harder it is to snap out of it.  Himself knows this so didn't let me away with it.  Weirdo.  :P

After much persuading/bribing/tormenting, I got to work.  On something new.  Oops.  Over the weekend, I've written an outline and about 2k of a novellette idea I had a while back - the idea didn't work before but some random research inspired me to take a second look then as I was outlining, I came up with something better.  It's fun and new and experimental and different to everything else I've done - always a plus. 

Haven't touched Taunt but I've been working out the atmosphere a little more.  You know, in my head.  I'm getting back to that during the week, particularly on the organisational crap that I keep putting off.  I'm scared I'm going to mess it up completely.  Sequels scare the shit out of me.  I've, like, four "first in a series/trilogy" written, maybe four more "almost" written.  Can't handle book 2.  It's ridiculous. 

Anyway, we're back in the hospital tomorrow to get my daughter's bandages changed - I can hear the hysterics already - so I'm not expecting next check-in to be full of achievement but I'm feeling good for Sunday's check-in.  Wish me luck!  Also, the baby's bottom teeth cut through this week, explains the sudden sleepless nights.  :D